if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
