hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
