Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
