you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize