your room smells of hookers.
And success
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
