omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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