Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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