I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
