I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
