What did we do last night that was yellow?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
