bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
