My sheets look like a crime scene.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
