i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
