Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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