Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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