I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
