C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
