his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize