My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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