Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
