There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
