Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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