I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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