Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
