I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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