And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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