Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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