I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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