am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
