Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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