Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
