Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
