Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
