I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
