k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
