Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
