Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
