i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
