I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
