Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i think my cat just said my name.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
