Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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