Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
