Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
