you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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