I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
