I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
