Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so let's talk penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I look excited, but its just a facade.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
