She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
