I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bring me that man meat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
