The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
