Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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