When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
