can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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