the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
