Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
then he tried to convert me to islam
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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