i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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