just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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