I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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