normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Drunk walkin through police station. America
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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