i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
