am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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